[Twenty-Eleven]

It was the new year and everyone said that it was time to start over, but I didn't believe that.


Henry was twenty-one, only two years older than myself, and we had been together for two years. He was at a gas station convenience store, buying me flowers and sour gummy worms to celebrate as he had done years before. As he approached the check-out counter, a masked man came in to rob the small store. Henry, only wanting to bring peace, asked him to set down the pistol and stop-that what he was doing was wrong. The masked man raised his gun instead and squeezed his finger tight around the trigger. My love fell to the ground, a crumpled mess.


That's what the police told me as they replayed the store's security camera footage to me.


It happened the first day of twenty-ten. I wish I could restart that day.


It's been a year now, and I still don't sleep a single night without that gunshot sounding in my mind.

~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~

This is the kind of thing that I get inspired to write. I think up a lot of short stories. I also think up a lot of possible plots for story ideas, most which get stuck into my hypothetical back-pocket, hypothetically forgotten, thrown in the hypothetical wash, and hypothetically lost forever. If I ever get time to get on the computer before my ideas run out, maybe I'll put my ideas here. I might make it a thing. Meh.

Strange how I think up such a tragic story when I think about the New Year. I guess it kind of tells you a little more about me. Yeah, I might make this a thing. Maybe.

[Blank Post]

Taking a break this week for Christmas Holiday. Have a good one, all.

[Express Yourself]

No, I'm not talking about the song by Charles Wright & The Watts 103rd Street Rhythm Band, though that is a good tune. I'm talking about people who refuse to show their true emotions or thoughts, or any at all.

I was watching reruns of Monk the other day and I came across an episode where Former Dectective Adrian Monk is riding in the passenger seat of a car driven by a man who refused to use his blinkers. This made Adrian extremely uneasy, so he asked the man why he didn't use his blinkers. The man replied, "I don't like to tell people what I'm thinking."

Now, we've all come across people on the highway and whatnot who don't use their blinkers. And we also know that it's extremely dangerous.

When people use their blinkers to tell other drivers if they're going to turn soon, the other drivers will know to slow down a bit to let them turn or go ahead and turn if they are driving in the opposite direction. On the highway where people are changing lanes, it is essential for drivers to use their blinkers.

However, if blinkers are not used, other drivers may be confused as to which way you will be turning or changing lanes if at all. This could result in an accident that may be detrimental to you and the drivers all around you. This is how I feel about people, too.

For example, take a girl who is very unreligious, and doesn't really want to be. However, she has a friend who is religious and he wants to take her to a church activity. The girl can tell him that she is unreligious and he can decide to take her to a movie instead, or she could get dragged into the church activity as a result of her not telling the boy that she is not religious where she would not enjoy herself, nor would the boy because the girl is not.

If you don't show people what you are thinking or your views of things, the people around you won't know how to compromise their actions to fit around or with yours.

Then again, you don't have to tell everybody everything. It's not like you're going to run around screaming your deepest, darkest secrets to the world or open up your car door to show people you're not wearing any pants. Some things are meant to be kept to yourself. But others, essential to benefit yourself and the people around, sometimes are best to be told to others.

I, myself, am guilty of this sometimes. At times, I smile in class so that my teacher and classmates are happy to see me, but on the inside I'm really hurting and the fact that no one else knows or understands hurts me even more.

Are you guilty of not showing your true thoughts or feelings to people if any at all? What do you think about this subject? Do you agree to my relating the road to the thoughts and feelings of people? What do you think?

[MK Ultra]

I was listening to a song by Muse, an English alternative rock band, called "MK Ultra" from their newest albumn, The Resistance. I quite fancied its strong bass line and driving beat so I looked for some lyrics to sing along to. From there, I found this:

The wavelength gently grows
Coercive notions re-evolve
A universe is trapped inside a tear
It resonates the core
Creates unnatural laws
Replaces love and happiness with fear

How much deception can you take
How many lies will you create
How much longer until you break
You mind's about to fall

And they are breaking through
They are breaking through
They are breaking through
They are breaking through
Now we're falling
We are losing control.

Invisible to all
The mind becomes a wall
All of history deleted with one stroke

How much deception can you take
How many lies will you create
How much longer until you break
Your mind's about to fall

And they are breaking through
They are breaking through
They are breaking through

Now we're falling
We are losing control

Invisible to all
The mind becomes a wall
All of history deleted with one stroke

How much deception can you take
How many lies will you create
How much longer until you break
You mind's about to fall

They're breaking through
They're breaking through
They're breaking through

Now we're falling
We are losing control

These lyrics didn't make very much coherant sense to me until I posted a bit of the lyrics as my Facebook Status and a good friend of mine recognized it and started talking about the meaning behind the lyrics.

As it turns out, MK Ultra was written very closely related and referenced to Project MK-ULTRA. Project MK-ULTRA was the code name for a covert, illegal CIA human research program that involved the use of many methodologies to manipulate individual mental states and alter brain function. These methods include the surreptitious administration of drugs and other chemicals, sensory deprivation, isolation, and verbal and sexual abuse.

Experiments were often conducted without the subjects' consent or even knowledge. In some cases, academic researchers being funded through grants from CIA front organizations were unaware that their work was being used for these purposes.

One 1955 MK-ULTRA document refers to the study of an assortment of mind-altering substances described as follows:

1. Substances which will promote illogical thinking and impulsiveness to the point where the recipient would be discredited in public.
2. Substances which increase the efficiency of mentation and perception.
3. Materials which will prevent or counteract the intoxicating effect of alcohol.
4. Materials which will promote the intoxicating effect of alcohol.
5. Materials which will produce the signs and symptoms of recognized diseases in a reversible way so that they may be used for malingering, etc.
6. Materials which will render the induction of hypnosis easier or otherwise enhance its usefulness.
7. Substances which will enhance the ability of individuals to withstand privation, torture and coercion during interrogation and so-called "brain-washing".
8. Materials and physical methods which will produce amnesia for events preceding and during their use.
9. Physical methods of producing shock and confusion over extended periods of time and capable of surreptitious use.
10. Substances which produce physical disablement such as paralysis of the legs, acute anemia, etc.
11. Substances which will produce "pure" euphoria with no subsequent let-down.
12. Substances which alter personality structure in such a way that the tendency of the recipient to become dependent upon another person is enhanced.
13. A material which will cause mental confusion of such a type that the individual under its influence will find it difficult to maintain a fabrication under questioning.
14. Substances which will lower the ambition and general working efficiency of men when administered in undetectable amounts.
15. Substances which promote weakness or distortion of the eyesight or hearing faculties, preferably without permanent effects.
16. A knockout pill which can surreptitiously be administered in drinks, food, cigarettes, as an aerosol, etc., which will be safe to use, provide a maximum of amnesia, and be suitable for use by agent types on an ad hoc basis.
17. A material which can be surreptitiously administered by the above routes and which in very small amounts will make it impossible for a person to perform physical activity.

In a nutshell, the CIA poured millions of dollars into studies examining methods of influencing and controlling the mind, and of enhancing their ability to extract information from resistant subjects during interrogation. In my opinion, it was rough stuff.

This was human experimentation, and most people did not even know they were being tested on. A lot of test subjects were eventually killed by the twisted methods that were administered on them or driven crazy by the effects.

After reading a bit about Project MK-ULTRA, I looked back to the lyrics to Muse's song and realized just how deeply rooted this song was to this secret, wacked-out project. It surprised me how in-depth Muse can be with its genius music.

Have you ever heard any songs and didn't realize their true meaning until you looked into it? What is your opinion on Project MK-ULTRA? Well, that's my history lesson for this week. I'm just about finished with this topic, but neither you nor I know whether or not I'll bring this subject up again. At least this project's been depleted-or so we think.

[Introduction]

Hello, there. My name is Sara and this is a place for my thoughts and views. Welcome. Make yourself at home. Now, please let me take a few minutes of your time to introduce myself.

Once upon a time, a young girl named Melinda had a story idea. She wrote a few paragraphs, but eventually, Writer's Block got to her. She set it aside and for several months, the story gathered dust.

This past summer, I, a good friend of Melinda, asked her if she'd done any writing lately. She recalled back to the story and sent it to me. I really liked what she wrote and I asked her for the storyline. I was truly intrigued, so I asked her permission to join in and get the story going.

That summer, we wrote twelve chapters to that story.

I think that was when I first found myself-in the writing that we shared. I realized my talent in writing and I fought to keep it forever.

Though Melinda and I hardly ever see each other anymore due to school redistricting, we are some of the best friends this world would ever meet. And to tell you a secret, I really love her.

Also, when I look at the world, I can see wonder and joy and happiness. But it's not unnoticed that I see the darkness and hatred and evil rooted within us all. Now, I honestly think sometimes that I'm mildly bi-polar. The reason is sometimes I'll be skipping down the sidewalk, running into piles of leaves, being truly happy. But most times, I'll be at home by myself hating the world.

I'm not sure why, but maybe it's like a split personality. Either way, whichever mood I'm in, I can always write my feelings out. This blog? My outlet: my feelings, thoughts, views, and opinions-anything that comes to my mind-typed out and written down right here for you to read, comment on, and relate to.

Anyway, I'll post again some other time where hopefully I'll reveal more about my writing that I can't describe to you with words.