[Being Asian: Answering the Door]

I apologize for not posting in so long. With the end of school nearing bearing large projects and rather impressive final exams, and a computer virus that prevents me from using Microsoft Word, I've found myself with very little time; limited resources; and ultimately, a lack of inspiration to do any decent writing. Today, I am working on writing a bunch of notecards to cover the topics I've looked over all year for my history class. I'm about mid-way through the mess, so I decided to take a break and write. I got a nugget of inspiration just a few moments ago when my doorbell rang.

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There are many advantages to being an Asian, with an Asian-looking face, an Asian-looking stature, and an Asian-sounding accent--maybe even knowing an Asian dialect. I've found that this comes in handy whenever I find particularly pesky strangers at my door. This is how things are usually handled.

The doorbell rings; I come face-to-face with a young teen trying to sell me magazines to raise money for their school fund-raiser. Today, I decide that I will pull out my Cantonese tongue.

"I don't have a phone to buy a refridgerator," I say in a dialect foreign to the young man before me. I was short on quick improvisation, and this was all I could utter. I accompany this remark with a confused face and a slight shrug of the shoulders. The man apologizes profusely, and turns to leave.

Maybe I come across a young man asking me to let Jesus into me heart. Well, I don't want to stand in the doorway for half-an-hour to get lectured by this guy about something I honestly don't really give two flying neon turds about.What do I do?

"Oh, like-ah the Buddha! Yes, rearry good man!" then I continue in a heavy accent rambling a bit about Buddhism, then eventually talking completely in Cantonese gibberish ( some more of that refridgerator stuff ). Soon, the man, himself gets confused, pardons himself, and I slam the door in his face.

Disclaimer: In no way am I trying to offend Asians, or the guys going door-to-door to raise money for schools, or the guys trying to spread religion. I am just trying to make a somewhat humourous post about how I use my ethnicity to my advantage all in good fun.

[The Orchard]

There is a boundary line between trees;
It splits the apples and the cherries.
The emerald fruits just sneer and snide
At rose-red cherries in emerald pride.
But there did live an apple who knew it was wrong;
He knew the cherries were just as strong
As any apple could ever be,
But he was shunned for his sympathy
To the cherries who lived in absolute fear
Of the apples' hate that attacked like a shear.

[Beast]

There is a beast within me
It itches to escape
I keep restraints as best I can
My lips covered with tape
But if I make just one mistake
If just one wrong chip falls
I'm doomed to learn my inner beast
Has power over my all
It waits so very patiently
Until I finally crack
And when I do, it makes a move
It charges to attack
So suddenly, I'm this monstrous thing
Without feelings or a heart
I patrol the streets as if I'm God
And tear everything apart